Song for the Fifth Child

Baby Holly joined our family on October 8th. Needless to say, this time around I was a little nervous about making it to the hospital in time. So as soon as I suspected labor was on I called my midwife. She told me to relax and wait. Hard advice to take. I tried to follow it however. Lucky for me and my impatientness, I didn't have to wait long. Only about an hour into it, my water broke. That's when I made Chad make a mad dash for the car. (Last time my water broke I had the baby 10 minutes later) Needless to say I was a bit nervous I was going to have this baby in the car. This time around we switched to a hospital that was closer to home. A 10 min. drive at 2 in the morning. I was a little surprised when I only had 1 contraction on the way there. WHAT?  We arrive at the hospital and check in. I informed them that my water broke and they better get me to a room pronto, since my last one was so fast. They looked at me like I was a big fat Liar! I really wanted to punch someone. They didn't even believe me that my water had broke. Hello! This is not my first time in the ring! So, I succumbed to their test while we waited for my midwife to arrive. Why yes! That was amniotic fluid on the swab?! surprise! 

Well, I was only dialted to about a 4 when I arrived at the hospital. My midwife arrived around 2:30, and I decided to labor in the warm tub. My contractions were very bearable from 3-6, averaging 8 minutes apart. I waffled between wanting them to increase in frequency and intensity, just so it would hurry and be over, and then the next minute wanting to put off the inevitable.  Chad sat by the tub and timed and rubbed my back. My midwife checked in every little bit, otherwise I suspect she was dozing in the room. (don't blame her, I'm sure Chad wanted to... we are not used to staying up ALL night long.)

 Finally, around 6 am, I felt the change of transition. It hit my like a ton of bricks. All of a sudden things got really exciting. They helped me, sopping wet, to the bed, told me to get ready to push. No epidural, remember. This time, this baby didn't come out quite as quickly and easily as the last one. Maybe it's because the pain was making me feel paralized. The Dr. who came in to catch the baby was telling me to move my legs a bit and I just wanted to kick him in the face! Why didn't he get that I felt absolutely NOT in control of my own body? In fact, my instinctual reaction to the pain was to close my legs... (not the best position when you are trying to birth a baby)

 Finally, however, despite me, despite dr.'s, despite anything anyone could have done, Nature wins, the contractions keep working and they pushed that ginormous baby out. I'm not going to lie, it really hurt. I think its a testament to my character, personality or training and habits.. that I didn't start swearing like a sailor. I was a bit surprised because, it didn't really feel at all like Felicity's birth, it hurt much worse! 

(I'm being a little explicit here so that in 2 or 3 years when I might be wishing I was holding a little baby again, I can re-read this and remember this special feeling. :) )After Holly was born, I leaned back on the bed and cried a little bit. I felt so exhausted and still feeling the pain. Felicity's pain seemed to disappear the second she was born, Holly's birth pain lingered a little bit. All this time, Chad was trying to help me, but he was also very interested in the process of a baby being born. I was glad my midwife was there to squeeze my hand, and whisper in my ear that I could do this. She helped me focus and tried to keep me calm. Chad, bless his heart probably needed someone there to hold his hand. Because I was still laying on the bed a little out of it and still feeling the pain, they took the baby to be weighed (usually they put that off while mom and baby bond and nurse, but I didn't mind. we were all too curious how big she was.) Imagine the collective "Oh My" when we saw she weighed in at 9lbs 12 oz!!!  I was expecting a 9 lb-er but not much bigger than that. 

This explained everything, the extra pushing time, the extra  pain, the waddling for the last month, the hip pain, the groin pain, the inability to bend over, the roll over, to move. Well, they stitched me up and shipped me off to the recovery room. They gave me a lortab and some extra strength Ibuprofen and I asked the nurses to take the baby to the nursery so Chad and I could get some sleep. (by this time it was about 7:30 am and we had been up all night, we were pretty tired.) 

Chad stayed there with me all day, and he went to get the kids around 4. They were so excited when they woke up to Grandma and Grandpa at our house. They knew just by their presence that the day had arrived. They were on pins and needles all day long at school, waiting to get to go see their new baby sister. Chad brought them by after School and it was so special to see them all together. I find it such a sacred, special time when siblings first meet. The older ones can feel it. They know they are in the presence of a spirit that has recently been with our Father in Heaven.  My big kids welcomed Holly with so much love. They continue to love her. Felicity didn't quite know what to think, however. She was 23 months old, and had no idea what was coming at her. She acted like a little stinker for the first 3 weeks, but she has since calmed down, returned to normal and she loves her "baby Howwy".

Holly is such a sweety. She is named Holly because we like it. I originally thought of the name after going on a Neil Diamond kick a while ago. I love his song "Holly Holy", then during General Conference I was, yet again, so impressed with Elder Hollands talk, his spirit and testimony, that we considered naming her Holland and calling her Holly as a nick name. But in the end, we just decided to go with Holly. (now I'm kinda wishing we had named her Holland:( ) Her middle name is Dianna, after CHad's Grandmother Selander. Diana Selander passed away when Grandpa Phil was a teenager, so Chad has never met her. Chad picked the spelling "Dianna".
 We Love our Holly Dianna so much! Life has been very busy since she arrived. I forgot how hard it is to get anything done with a newborn. My hands, arms are always filled with a baby (or toddler). So the laundry piles up, the house is cluttered, the floors are dirty, the dust bunnies are multiplying. But, all I wan to do is hold the baby that wants to be held. Time will cure the messy house, as my baby grows more independent of me.
 So, I remind myself to be patient. To cherish the baby in my arms and to not worry about the mess. I recently watched the new version of the movie "Cheaper by the Dozen" the mom says through out the movie,"A Home is for freedom of expression, not good impressions." That has become the mantra I recite in my head when I start to feel stress from my messy house.
   Sometimes, when we see all of our kids together, Chad and I look at each other over their heads in disbelief. We are shocked that there are five little people running around this planet because of us two. We are amazed at the miracle of life. We are wondrous that we started our family with sorrow at the loss of 3 pregnancies in a row, wondering if the blessing of children would ever be ours. And we are so grateful that the Lord has seen fit to bless us so abundantly!

I love this quote from Elder Anderson, of the Quorum of the 12

 "Many voices in the world today marginalize the importance of havingchildren or suggest delaying or limiting children in a family. My daughters recently referred me to a blog written by a Christian mother (not of our faith) with five children. She commented: “[Growing] up in this culture, it is very hard to get a biblical perspective on motherhood. … Children rank way below college. Below world travel for sure. Below the ability to go out at night at your leisure. Below honing your body at the gym. Below any job you may have or hope to get.” She then adds: “Motherhood is not a hobby, it is a calling. You do not collect children because you find them cuter than stamps. It is not something to do if you can squeeze the time in. It is what God gave you time for.”^{7"
http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng&query=children}



 "This is What God gave you time for," is another repeating refrain in my head, when I start to feel like the job of caring for kids leaves me with no time for anything else. I have to remind myself that the other things will take away from what my time is really for. 
   So, please forgive me if my house is a mess, if I'm late for an appointment, if I don't call on your birthday, if I'm not available for lunch dates with my friends, If I'm not a very good friend right now. Please forgive me if I cancel cub scouts, or don't make it to church... Please be patient with me if I look tired, messy hair, spit up smell on my clothes, sweatpants all the time. Please look past the lack of make up, the tummy that still looks pregnant. I hope instead, you will see the smile on my face, the love in my eyes when I look at my babies, and feel the spirit of God in our home.

Now, writing this has taken up more time than I planned :)   Right now, the toddler is asleep, the baby is asleep and the pre-schooler is watching a movie. The oldest two are at friends, so I think the best use of my time right now, would be to take a nap :) Night, night!